you can't remote-control your family. it gets tiring for your puppets.
it's a time to roar and a time to rarrr.
of insect bites that make u itchy like mad.
of humid heat that makes clothes stick to u like rubber.
of bus drivers that forget you flagged the bus.
of baking disasters making your cake taste good,
while optimum efforts make bad-tasting food.
all the effort, energy down the drain.
all the planning, straining all in vain.
sick of low quality pictures on facebook,
and a dysfunctional system.
reconciling various schools of thoughts,
there is such a turmoil in me.
of right and wrong, of head and heart.
it's really odd that i can still find pleasure and momentum in it,
though i'm rebelling against it deep within me.
when is this grey smog going to pass over me?
i miss my crazy joymakers in melbourne.
the smell of vaseline cream brings me back to that tiny windowless room, that comfy bed, the wall of memories, the time of devotion and intimacy.
i thought i nearly plugged it.
now, how did i reach this state?
the state of dissatisfaction, a very bad state to be in.
all plans going haywire.
the world of expectations and hope is very complex.
i don't understand it, but i'm stuck in its miry clay.
now, how am i going to take the Lord's Supper tomorrow?
relatively freed from the stressful exams, unexpected situations and dysfunctional gadgets, i guess it's time to put up a post to conclude yet another mini-chapter of my life. there is too much to thank God sufficiently for the past semester, but recent disappointments have injected a murmuring spirit into me, and it's just starting to wear off.
the unexpected turnabout of situation, from a post-exam celebration to a prolonged stressful state. what should your response be when u know that his fate is sealed, to descend to the everlasting fires? we're so helpless and so weak against the foolishness and wilfulness of man. yet much good came out of it. the trying of our faith. how the fires show the beliefs of each one of us. the situation allowed for a time of sharing, of stablishing one's faith, for clarification of doctrine and the teachings of God. by God's grace the gospel was preached. through a loss there was much gain.
but the test was to run longer than expected. failing gadgets threw me into a fit, unable to communicate, racing against time. disappointments assail me from all fronts and all the stress was making me really grumpy. the weather doesn't help too. but thanks be to God, things are starting to improve now.
there's too much to relate comprehensively in this entry. it is 2 weeks into hols but for me it's just starting. nothing has been going according to plan, and for me that often makes me real cranky. must learn to let go, for God's plan is surely better. oh i really need the retreat i've been hoping for...