i woke up with a film of sweat
tossing and turning, i decided i cannot sleep anymore
checked my handphone
6am
fruits and fruit juice from fridge
a shower
left a note for chris
out of the house
the sun was not yet out
headed straight for the aircon com lab
7am
checked my mail
stole a nap
had a hotdog and coffee milkshake
started the day
the wind blew like a hairdryer
the sun stings as it touches the skin
it itches so badly
the air is so heavy i can't breathe
the cool breeze is such a relief
i open my arms, embracing it
i want to drink in all of it
the trees were hushed
hear the sound of my footsteps
silent on the asphalt path
the wind carrying past me what is left of the morning heat
the black patchy clouds near the horizon
the puffy cotton wool higher up
my old-fav was available just as i approached the playground
swinging higher and higher
the sudden ecstacy
seasickness. viking-ship-like
then afraid that my grip is not firm enough
the sudden realisation that the sun is not smiling at me
shadows fleeting by whispering dark secrets
back on the path
the cool wind blows
i like looking at the park upside down
the sky of grass
the soft cushion of blue
magnetic humans cruise along their paths
there is a freshness, a novelty
the moon was a perfect crescent
with a few little stars
it looks like those korean letterpads
Friday, January 30, 2009 @ a 43deg day
Wednesday, January 28, 2009 @ 義
covering of the blood of the lamb over me = righteousness.
福
God with one man in a garden = blessing
And ye shall take a bunch of hyssop, and dip it in the blood that is in the bason, and strike the lintel(upper door post) and the two side posts with the blood that is in the bason; and none of you shall go out at the door of his house until the morning.
For the LORD will pass through to smite the Egyptians; and when he seeth the blood upon the lintel, and on the two side posts, the LORD will pass over the door, and will not suffer the destroyer to come in unto your houses to smite you.
Exo 12:22-23
福
God with one man in a garden = blessing
And ye shall take a bunch of hyssop, and dip it in the blood that is in the bason, and strike the lintel(upper door post) and the two side posts with the blood that is in the bason; and none of you shall go out at the door of his house until the morning.
For the LORD will pass through to smite the Egyptians; and when he seeth the blood upon the lintel, and on the two side posts, the LORD will pass over the door, and will not suffer the destroyer to come in unto your houses to smite you.
Exo 12:22-23
@ a book, a complaint, and a thought
the seed falls into the ground,
dies as the new shoot springs up.
there must be a splitting and a breaking
in order for a bud to form.
the bud 'lets go' when the flower forms.
the calyx lets go of the flower.
the petals must curl up and die
in order for the fruit to form.
the fruit falls, splits, relinquishes the seed.
the seed falls into the ground.
it is a process of letting go.
the fall of an acorn so as to achieve an oak tree.
- Passion and Purity by Elizabeth Elliot
i don't see the point in
putting more time and effort
into something i don't particularly enjoy
when i already have a system
that ensures max benefit in min time
leaving the rest of the time for more profitable activities
perhaps it is something to be ashamed about
sluggard?taking the easy way out?
something i'm expected to be able to do?
still, i see no point.
unto whomsoever much is given,
of him shall be much required.
why compare why despise why ridicule
why laugh and gloat at your ability
thank u for your quiet support and encouragement
And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.
where exactly are we heading with more gatherings?
dies as the new shoot springs up.
there must be a splitting and a breaking
in order for a bud to form.
the bud 'lets go' when the flower forms.
the calyx lets go of the flower.
the petals must curl up and die
in order for the fruit to form.
the fruit falls, splits, relinquishes the seed.
the seed falls into the ground.
it is a process of letting go.
the fall of an acorn so as to achieve an oak tree.
- Passion and Purity by Elizabeth Elliot
i don't see the point in
putting more time and effort
into something i don't particularly enjoy
when i already have a system
that ensures max benefit in min time
leaving the rest of the time for more profitable activities
perhaps it is something to be ashamed about
sluggard?taking the easy way out?
something i'm expected to be able to do?
still, i see no point.
unto whomsoever much is given,
of him shall be much required.
why compare why despise why ridicule
why laugh and gloat at your ability
thank u for your quiet support and encouragement
And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.
where exactly are we heading with more gatherings?
Sunday, January 25, 2009 @ by the gentle waters
you will safely lead me,
in green pastures feed me,
knowing what is best.
though i often stray,
wander far away,
i can hear you say,
"Come to me and rest."
though the path be rough and rugged,
though the trail be dark and steep,
still the gentle Shepherd
watches over His sheep.
there's no need to fear
when the Shepherd's near.
when your voice i hear,
i find comfort sure.
free from all alarm,
sheltered from all harm
safely in your arms
i can rest secure.
with the flock abiding,
all my need supplying,
comforting and guiding,
leading all the way,
all the way!
Jesus loving Shepherd,
You'll forsake me never,
in your flock forever,
i am not alone.
though the darkness hide thee,
you are close beside me.
gentle Shepherd guide me
till i'm safely home.
till i'm safely home.
Saturday, January 24, 2009 @ something light
he's the son of superman!! hahaa
Friday, January 23, 2009 @ wilderness
what is it? wilderness to someone may be home to another person.
i concluded that wilderness = garden of 15 drummond st.
which i pass by everyday since wednesday.
my place of abode for the next few weeks (not the garden. i know what you guys are thinking)
where tidying and packing never ends.
where nights are eaten up by various unforeseen activities.
where birds croon like back at nainai's place in the morning.
lovely.
today is the last day of 'a history of nature', ending with rachel carson and the start of ecology.
gaia hypothesis.
deep ecology.
church of deep ecology.
wow. we don't see beyond many things do we.
the half-conscious state. eye-popping. trying to stay awake. jittery on caffeine. i need my sleep cycle back. ahs.
i concluded that wilderness = garden of 15 drummond st.
which i pass by everyday since wednesday.
my place of abode for the next few weeks (not the garden. i know what you guys are thinking)
where tidying and packing never ends.
where nights are eaten up by various unforeseen activities.
where birds croon like back at nainai's place in the morning.
lovely.
today is the last day of 'a history of nature', ending with rachel carson and the start of ecology.
gaia hypothesis.
deep ecology.
church of deep ecology.
wow. we don't see beyond many things do we.
the half-conscious state. eye-popping. trying to stay awake. jittery on caffeine. i need my sleep cycle back. ahs.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009 @
45min to my tute
it was a boring read. couldn't get my head around that document. and doesn't help that my mind is not really ready to tackle evasive timid ideas.
i must stop eating so much.
the sudden onslaught of criticisms. the ambiguity. i know not the implications, the cause, the reason. it's eating me away.
i=anomaly.no body under stands.
oh such little faith.
it was a boring read. couldn't get my head around that document. and doesn't help that my mind is not really ready to tackle evasive timid ideas.
i must stop eating so much.
the sudden onslaught of criticisms. the ambiguity. i know not the implications, the cause, the reason. it's eating me away.
i=anomaly.no body under stands.
oh such little faith.
Friday, January 16, 2009 @
once again
to be able to hear the wind howling in your ear
you can hardly hear your own panting
then after the strenuous exercise
to lie down on the green bed
to feel the grass tickling your legs
and not worry about any insect colony that might swarm over you
even if they do
you're confident of the slowness and harmlessness of this lazy land
to be able to enjoy that tickling sensation without fear
to sigh at the fluffy clouds drifting across the blue canvas
to trace that bird sailing through the crisp air
whether the sun smiles or the clouds loom
whether the wind shoves or the humid air evelopes
remember
to be thankful
a history of nature
we are halfway through it
from judeo-christian and ancient greek views
to the scientific revolution
to the enlightenment
to the industrial revolution
to romanticism
moving on to evolution
to colonisation and acclimatisation
to conservation movements
what is nature
what is the purpose of nature
what is wilderness
is man an animal
is an animal just a machine
from all these you can see the fundamental difference
men seek
for spiritual satisfaction
we know that's not all to life
there's got to be something beyond this
but all the perversion of truth
the usurping of authority
heaping to themselves teachers for their itching ears
sinking deeper and deeper into that mire
getting confused
somehow that superior knowledge does not resonate with what we know deep down in our hearts
we are different from the animals
the fool has said in his heart there is no God
i wanted to say out then
you are so wrong
How long, ye simple ones, will ye love simplicity? and the scorners delight in their scorning, and fools hate knowledge?
O faithless and perverse generation, how long shall I be with you? how long shall I suffer you?
how long?
but amidst that
God is good
he is the God of all flesh
is anything too hard for Him?
that 2 little booklets left over from last year
brought back to singapore
thought i'd forget to bring back
found it back here with delight
brought it around as usual
and now they are gone
after 3 months
the seed is sown
only God knows if the ground will yield forth its fruit
a blessing in disguise
:)
randomness:
i ate so many blueberries this week that i am shocked at myself
i remember the first time i ate this queer fruit
also around the time we were amazed at huge sweet juicy strawberries
blackberries blueberries strawberries peaches nectarines broccoli carrot beef
my staple diet now
to be able to hear the wind howling in your ear
you can hardly hear your own panting
then after the strenuous exercise
to lie down on the green bed
to feel the grass tickling your legs
and not worry about any insect colony that might swarm over you
even if they do
you're confident of the slowness and harmlessness of this lazy land
to be able to enjoy that tickling sensation without fear
to sigh at the fluffy clouds drifting across the blue canvas
to trace that bird sailing through the crisp air
whether the sun smiles or the clouds loom
whether the wind shoves or the humid air evelopes
remember
to be thankful
a history of nature
we are halfway through it
from judeo-christian and ancient greek views
to the scientific revolution
to the enlightenment
to the industrial revolution
to romanticism
moving on to evolution
to colonisation and acclimatisation
to conservation movements
what is nature
what is the purpose of nature
what is wilderness
is man an animal
is an animal just a machine
from all these you can see the fundamental difference
men seek
for spiritual satisfaction
we know that's not all to life
there's got to be something beyond this
but all the perversion of truth
the usurping of authority
heaping to themselves teachers for their itching ears
sinking deeper and deeper into that mire
getting confused
somehow that superior knowledge does not resonate with what we know deep down in our hearts
we are different from the animals
the fool has said in his heart there is no God
i wanted to say out then
you are so wrong
How long, ye simple ones, will ye love simplicity? and the scorners delight in their scorning, and fools hate knowledge?
O faithless and perverse generation, how long shall I be with you? how long shall I suffer you?
how long?
but amidst that
God is good
he is the God of all flesh
is anything too hard for Him?
that 2 little booklets left over from last year
brought back to singapore
thought i'd forget to bring back
found it back here with delight
brought it around as usual
and now they are gone
after 3 months
the seed is sown
only God knows if the ground will yield forth its fruit
a blessing in disguise
:)
randomness:
i ate so many blueberries this week that i am shocked at myself
i remember the first time i ate this queer fruit
also around the time we were amazed at huge sweet juicy strawberries
blackberries blueberries strawberries peaches nectarines broccoli carrot beef
my staple diet now
Friday, January 9, 2009 @ a summary of my holidays
in 6000 words. (because 1 pic = 1000 words)
makan session 
meeting up with old friends 
jingyi's wedding dinner 
the bride and groom 
mum with 6uncle's baby 
family hiking trip 
pictures are up on my web album.
my summer semester starts next wk.
pictures are up on my web album.
my summer semester starts next wk.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009 @ entering into a dream
that was exactly how it felt like when i stepped into the little apartment once again. like i just walked out of reality.
i could almost believe i just walked into the japanese film i just watched on the plane.
it felt so much like the first time i reached melbourne.
so quiet.
so empty.
so alone.
gone was the mrt tearing along the tracks.
gone were the cars zipping along the roads.
gone was 90.5 blaring on the radio.
gone was the tv with all its amusement.
until i called home (:
i had 3 days to finish my $130 credit left on my phone because it restarts on the 7th. i couldn't finish using it. darn!
the next morning i ate cereal and i thought the milk tasted weird and wondered if it went bad and thought the cereal tasted weird and wondered if it went bad too. i thought of the breakfast that pa buys every morning at home. so expected. so sure. now i have to take care of it myself.
spent the morning doing laundry and tidying etc. household chores never felt so mundane. but to think of it, i have nothing much else to do. or rather, tonnes of nothing much to do.
then i went to church. and i'm so thankful for the family away from family.
and for the means of grace, the token that is the same, reminding me of the God that never changes.
then i had to buy groceries. i was so stressed wondering what i should buy. went safeway. went aldi. bought vitamins. browsed through whatever cookbook/recipes i have (not much use). wanted to go vic mark but went safeway again instead. in the end i spent over $100 on food over 3 days! horrors! but hey, it was a lot of stock up food and a lot of fruits and expensive fruits! so i wasn't wasting money on snacks or whatnots.
anyway i realised i need inspiration to cook. ah it is so hard. people count calories. i count colour and nutrition and variety. sometimes i just lose count.
went shopping yesterday and got a $10 top, $10 bottom, $5 top, $7 top. but i find the sales now not as good as the end of financial year ones. shall wait till mid-year. i haven't finished digging supre anyway. it is like a whole floor of $5 - $15 racks but you need time to find something decent.
today is another day of settling all the nothing muchness. hope to get my butt out for a run later. i miss my green-tea-walled room. this green tea room scent i got is smelling weird.
i could almost believe i just walked into the japanese film i just watched on the plane.
it felt so much like the first time i reached melbourne.
so quiet.
so empty.
so alone.
gone was the mrt tearing along the tracks.
gone were the cars zipping along the roads.
gone was 90.5 blaring on the radio.
gone was the tv with all its amusement.
until i called home (:
i had 3 days to finish my $130 credit left on my phone because it restarts on the 7th. i couldn't finish using it. darn!
the next morning i ate cereal and i thought the milk tasted weird and wondered if it went bad and thought the cereal tasted weird and wondered if it went bad too. i thought of the breakfast that pa buys every morning at home. so expected. so sure. now i have to take care of it myself.
spent the morning doing laundry and tidying etc. household chores never felt so mundane. but to think of it, i have nothing much else to do. or rather, tonnes of nothing much to do.
then i went to church. and i'm so thankful for the family away from family.
and for the means of grace, the token that is the same, reminding me of the God that never changes.
then i had to buy groceries. i was so stressed wondering what i should buy. went safeway. went aldi. bought vitamins. browsed through whatever cookbook/recipes i have (not much use). wanted to go vic mark but went safeway again instead. in the end i spent over $100 on food over 3 days! horrors! but hey, it was a lot of stock up food and a lot of fruits and expensive fruits! so i wasn't wasting money on snacks or whatnots.
anyway i realised i need inspiration to cook. ah it is so hard. people count calories. i count colour and nutrition and variety. sometimes i just lose count.
went shopping yesterday and got a $10 top, $10 bottom, $5 top, $7 top. but i find the sales now not as good as the end of financial year ones. shall wait till mid-year. i haven't finished digging supre anyway. it is like a whole floor of $5 - $15 racks but you need time to find something decent.
today is another day of settling all the nothing muchness. hope to get my butt out for a run later. i miss my green-tea-walled room. this green tea room scent i got is smelling weird.
Thursday, January 1, 2009 @ excerpt from watchnight sermon
there was a man who went up a cliff. he fell over the edge and managed to grab hold of a scraggly bush at the side of the cliff. hanging on for his life, he shouted out in desperation: is there anybody up there?
a voice sounded out from the air above him: Yes, I am here.
can you help me? the bush i'm hanging onto is going to let go anytime!
yes i suppose so. do you trust me?
yes! i do! i do!
then just let go of the plant, and all will be well.
err..
is there anybody ELSE up there??
how do we trust someone we cannot see, touch, handle?
Trust.
in the LORD (Jehovah God, the covenantal God) [note: vs Lord = teacher, master]
with all thine heart,
and unto
your own understanding
Lean not.
have u seen a blind man lead a sighted man across a busy road before?
don't be the first.
in all thy ways,
Acknowledge Him,
and He shall make your ways straight/even.
He has proved that.
there was an army officer in a ship with his wife. they were caught in a terrible storm, but the officer remained very calm throughout. the wife, however, was distraught. after some time, she could not take it anymore. she grabbed her husband's arm and exclaimed, "how can you be so calm!!?"
without a word, the officer took a few steps back, drew out his sword, and pointed it at his wife's chest.
"are you afraid of this?"
"no, because the sword is in your hands, and i know you love me too much to hurt me."
"yes, and i know the One who holds the winds and waves in the hollow of His Hands. He will watch over us and protect us because He loves us."
if only we can truly say we know Him. when we can know the fullness of His love and enter into His rest.
i like jim elliot's writing. so poetic, so inspiring.
to be drenched in the oil of the Spirit, to burn fierce and strong with the Consuming Fire, even if it may be short.
to be crushed by His feet, so that as sand at His foot, i cannot wander again.
motivated to learn Greek and Hebrew myself to read the Words of God in its original languages. i want to be awestruck by the simplicity and power of the words, as experienced by him.
just experienced how disastrous translation can be. though i trust God that the KJB has been translated by godly and capable men.
a voice sounded out from the air above him: Yes, I am here.
can you help me? the bush i'm hanging onto is going to let go anytime!
yes i suppose so. do you trust me?
yes! i do! i do!
then just let go of the plant, and all will be well.
err..
is there anybody ELSE up there??
how do we trust someone we cannot see, touch, handle?
Trust.
in the LORD (Jehovah God, the covenantal God) [note: vs Lord = teacher, master]
with all thine heart,
and unto
your own understanding
Lean not.
have u seen a blind man lead a sighted man across a busy road before?
don't be the first.
in all thy ways,
Acknowledge Him,
and He shall make your ways straight/even.
He has proved that.
there was an army officer in a ship with his wife. they were caught in a terrible storm, but the officer remained very calm throughout. the wife, however, was distraught. after some time, she could not take it anymore. she grabbed her husband's arm and exclaimed, "how can you be so calm!!?"
without a word, the officer took a few steps back, drew out his sword, and pointed it at his wife's chest.
"are you afraid of this?"
"no, because the sword is in your hands, and i know you love me too much to hurt me."
"yes, and i know the One who holds the winds and waves in the hollow of His Hands. He will watch over us and protect us because He loves us."
if only we can truly say we know Him. when we can know the fullness of His love and enter into His rest.
i like jim elliot's writing. so poetic, so inspiring.
to be drenched in the oil of the Spirit, to burn fierce and strong with the Consuming Fire, even if it may be short.
to be crushed by His feet, so that as sand at His foot, i cannot wander again.
motivated to learn Greek and Hebrew myself to read the Words of God in its original languages. i want to be awestruck by the simplicity and power of the words, as experienced by him.
just experienced how disastrous translation can be. though i trust God that the KJB has been translated by godly and capable men.
@ was it worth the pain(t)?
the paint job is finally over. the house looks new now, and it still needs some getting used to. each room has a wall with an essence colour and e other walls are all white (advised by alice (: ) my room's green tea, sis's room hot pink, master-bedroom romantic pink, living area a classy brown, the balcony hot pink, the doors coffee(withnotenoughmilkkinda) brown. classy or funky. oriental or western zen. old or new. the theme of our house is.... confusion.
thanks to the paint job, we had a spring cleaning. really annoyed by people being say-bo-s by leaving things around for other people to clean/pack/repair/thinkwhattodowith. lots of clearing before the painting job. lots of cleaning after the painting job. result? i think i sprained something in my back. everyone was grumpy. because of so much work to do. because of perceived insufficient effort received. because of perceived insufficient recognition and appreciation. because of insufficient sleep and resulting grumpiness. because of negligence. which was because of so much work to do. because the painting started, then the tap spoilt, then the washing machine spoilt, and got fixed, and spoilt again, and recovered itself, then the painters went off with our whole house in a mess which was previously promised won't happen, then the painters left with lots of loose ends for us to take care of (painted where they shouldn't, messy job resulted in us having to go around scraping and turpentining). it was backbreaking work.
in short, thank God it is all over!
thanks to the paint job, we had a spring cleaning. really annoyed by people being say-bo-s by leaving things around for other people to clean/pack/repair/thinkwhattodowith. lots of clearing before the painting job. lots of cleaning after the painting job. result? i think i sprained something in my back. everyone was grumpy. because of so much work to do. because of perceived insufficient effort received. because of perceived insufficient recognition and appreciation. because of insufficient sleep and resulting grumpiness. because of negligence. which was because of so much work to do. because the painting started, then the tap spoilt, then the washing machine spoilt, and got fixed, and spoilt again, and recovered itself, then the painters went off with our whole house in a mess which was previously promised won't happen, then the painters left with lots of loose ends for us to take care of (painted where they shouldn't, messy job resulted in us having to go around scraping and turpentining). it was backbreaking work.
in short, thank God it is all over!
@ the conflict of the soul
this is an overdue post. penned during the painting days.
dirty and weary.
both physically and spiritually.
the house is a mess and there is no rest.
issues press, people stress.
but oh God, you see, you know.
the night wear on, the fumes oppress.
the vehicles whir by continuously on the streets below. the intermittent creaks, the stuttering engine.
listen closely. in the grass patches, the insects drone, telling me, we have endured the filth and the pollution, and we still brim with life to call out. it is always there. if you listen for it.
the lights glare unblinkingly from the flats opposite. the yellow streetlights shine tirelessly, supervising the traffic.
look up. the moon glows, gentle and quiet. not clamouring for attention, contented in its beauty. it is always there. if you look for it.
you have to tune your heart to it. to the simple pleasures in life. that do not press. that do not stress.
the business of meeting up. the love grown cold, the sincerity not upkept. this human thing, it is just so tiring.
the soul has long wandered far from the safe harbour. there is the knowing, the trying, but no rest and peace. no freshness in hearing His voice. no joy in His service. has the gentle Dove abandoned His abode?
so. something has to go.
your spiritual life is only as good as how it is in secret with God. so much hypocrisy goes on. i long to live a life of abandonment. i want a secluded place where no living soul can interrupt, where i can kneel and spread my all before Him. i cry without tears.
dirty and weary.
both physically and spiritually.
the house is a mess and there is no rest.
issues press, people stress.
but oh God, you see, you know.
the night wear on, the fumes oppress.
the vehicles whir by continuously on the streets below. the intermittent creaks, the stuttering engine.
listen closely. in the grass patches, the insects drone, telling me, we have endured the filth and the pollution, and we still brim with life to call out. it is always there. if you listen for it.
the lights glare unblinkingly from the flats opposite. the yellow streetlights shine tirelessly, supervising the traffic.
look up. the moon glows, gentle and quiet. not clamouring for attention, contented in its beauty. it is always there. if you look for it.
you have to tune your heart to it. to the simple pleasures in life. that do not press. that do not stress.
the business of meeting up. the love grown cold, the sincerity not upkept. this human thing, it is just so tiring.
the soul has long wandered far from the safe harbour. there is the knowing, the trying, but no rest and peace. no freshness in hearing His voice. no joy in His service. has the gentle Dove abandoned His abode?
so. something has to go.
your spiritual life is only as good as how it is in secret with God. so much hypocrisy goes on. i long to live a life of abandonment. i want a secluded place where no living soul can interrupt, where i can kneel and spread my all before Him. i cry without tears.