down the slippery slopes.the intensity scares me.scared by too many things.but doesn't perfect love cast out fear? i've been missing the mark,i've shifted my gaze away from what truly matters.the deceitfulness of sin.i feel it.hard as a rock.numbness.just don't want to move anymore.just want to sigh and sit in a corner and watch things pass.no longer attracted by the lovely things that intrigue me.what do i want? i don't know. wait, i know, my own way. but what is it? whatever it is don't let me have it.cos i can only self-destruct. to turn your mind back again. to be vigilant again. to rest upon him and be whole. the sweetness. i've lost it. why play the blame game. like a shell. marvellous on the outside, empty on the inside. i don't know what i'm rambling down here. there are just so many things that shouldn't be. everything is going wrong. ok, alright, i mean everything is not going my way, not my definition of how things are supposed to work. back to definitions, back to black white and grey. does it really exist? it scares me how it plays be about, keeps me twirling. round and round. inside out. upside down. leaves me exhausted. i have an i-problem. such irksome object. be merciful. to refine my senses again to your presence and touch and voice. i have an eye problem.
but it's wonderful to be able to see. it's wonderful to be able to create beautiful things. it's wonderful to have a sound mind, to be able to analyse, to think. it's wonderful to be able to talk, to communicate. it's wonderful to hear the birds chirping, to hear the rain pouring outside and to be safe and warm. it's wonderful to be able to eat, to taste good food. it is wonderful to be able to sing, to truly express the desires of your heart, and lift it up in music.