Surely I come quickly.

the last week of holidays, the first week of 2012.
thank God for the much blessed time of fellowship with kz, ss, susanna, jo, enli, fangyu, jema etc.
Pro 25:25 As cold waters to a thirsty soul, so is good news from a far country.
my heart has been much gladdened and refreshed by these cold waters, hearing of God's goodness and mercy in the lives of many of my brethren, sharing our burdens one with another and finding unexpected solace and comfort in mutual understanding.
thank God for the new night class on "The Names of God". thank God for the many reminders to bring me back to an intimate walk with Him. To know Him only as He reveals Himself, and not as we imagine Him to be. For our corrupt mind can only corrupt the image of God and create idols unto ourselves. Thank God for revealing Himself, for letting us know Him.

How excellent is Thy Name, O Lord,
How excellent is Thy Name!
Heaven and earth together proclaim:
How excellent is Thy Name!

Psa 8
O LORD our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth! who hast set thy glory above the heavens.
Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings hast thou ordained strength because of thine enemies, that thou mightest still the enemy and the avenger.
When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained;
What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?
For thou hast made him a little lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honour.
Thou madest him to have dominion over the works of thy hands; thou hast put all things under his feet:
All sheep and oxen, yea, and the beasts of the field;
The fowl of the air, and the fish of the sea, and whatsoever passeth through the paths of the seas.
O LORD our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth!

A Wonderful Guarantee

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41:10

WHEN called to serve or to suffer, we take stock of our strength, and we find it to be less than we thought and less than we need. But let not our heart sink within us while we have such a word as this to fall back upon, for it guarantees us all that we can possibly need. God has strength omnipotent; that strength He can communicate to us; and His promise is that He will do so. He will be the food of our souls and the health of our hearts; and thus He will give us strength. There is no telling how much power God can put into a man. When divine strength comes, human weakness is no more a hindrance.

Do we not remember seasons of labor and trial in which we received such special strength that we wondered at ourselves? In the midst of danger we were calm, under bereavement we were resigned, in slander we were self-contained, and in sickness we were patient. The fact is that God gives unexpected strength when unusual trials come upon us, We rise out of our feeble selves. Cowards play the man, foolish ones have wisdom given them, and the silent receive in the self-same hour what they shall speak. My own weakness makes me shrink, but God’s promise makes me brave. LORD, strengthen me “according to thy word.”

Faith's Checkbook By C.H. Spurgeon

i had a late start to the day because i woke up late, because i slept late last night, because i had a night of disaster in the kitchen. 4 batches of failed muffins, that's 1 kg of flour, and untasty breakfast for the nxt month.
but queerly, i'm in a rather good mood, and feeling a little surreal. the baking-for-Christmas plans are cancelled, so i suddenly find free time on my hands to relax, and just wait for the bbq tonight.

now there are so many avenues for me to write/speak my thoughts that i no longer know what/who to turn to. there's this blog, there's my own log, there's our shared log, and there's emails to friends. sometimes i think maybe i should abandon this blog. but it's nice to have this space to shout out nonsensical and trifle things to nobody in particular. the logs are for more serious and significant discussions usually. doesn't help that i now trace pretty pictures on tumblr, and i've suddenly lost all passion for taking photos, so i no longer produce nice photo albums to upload here to keep friends in the know of what i'm up to. so what can i still put in this blog?

i've always been charmed by poetry. recently i've been reading Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan, and i was very tickled by how his author's words to the reader is always in poetry. and there were some really nice imagery too. i love how poems frames and adorns certain thoughts and emotions. i'm now in the midst of reading this book on Marriage, which expounds from the Song of Solomon. the author also mentioned how true love, which is so hard to define and pin down in a scientific way, is described in poetry in the Song of Solomon. indeed, i always find poetry stronger in communicating many things, because many things in life are not single-dimensional. i really wish i could talk in poetry like Bunyan. i was wondering how i could hone this skill, and keene brought up that hymns are exactly that too! i think i need more guitar sessions. and maybe this space can become practice for my rhyming efforts!

we're nearing the end of yet another year. i started keeping a blog since 2004. this means i've been blogging for 7+years! the details recorded in those fine print are really amazing. i see myself in my childishness in JC, even in JC! now i understand why those sec1 kids are like that! i also see my writing improving, becoming more lyrical. I see my spiritual man growing. there was that detailed record of the change from Singapore to Melbourne. the changing personality, realizing what is important. the constant struggle ever since i came back to Singapore. however it can be a rather inaccurate view of my times, cos i tend to blog when i have photos of recent events, or when i want to lash out at something or things. hardly do i have the chance to blog about little joys. but i do notice myself becoming less thankful. i wonder what will become of this blog. i wonder who still reads it.

i've been out of it for too long. the things that used to give me pleasure in the past no longer entice me.
i used to sit at my piano and play for hours.
now, i play it still, but like a robot, without emotions.
i used to hold a camera with excitement, taking pictures with enthusiasm.
now, i still like looking at pretty pictures, but they are beyond me.

i don't know what happened. when did my sky suddenly become grey? when did my days become so drab?
now i take days just to make a card.
now i've lost confidence in my style/taste, if i had any of it to begin with.
ah, to live life like a musical, full of the passion and the zest of life.
oh, for the veil to be lifted, that i may see the glory i should live for.

what shall i do with this thing called creativity? where did i get it from, and where has it gone to?

hymns that never fail to lift me up.

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said,
You, who unto Jesus for refuge have fled?

In every condition, in sickness, in health;
In poverty’s vale, or abounding in wealth;
At home and abroad, on the land, on the sea,
As thy days may demand, shall thy strength ever be.

Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen and help thee, and cause thee to stand
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.

When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of woe shall not thee overflow;
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

When through fiery trials thy pathways shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.

Even down to old age all My people shall prove
My sovereign, eternal, unchangeable love;
And when hoary hairs shall their temples adorn,
Like lambs they shall still in My bosom be borne.

The soul that on Jesus has leaned for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to its foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.

119:89 For ever, O LORD, thy word is settled in heaven.
119:90 Thy faithfulness is unto all generations: thou hast established the earth, and it abideth.
119:91 They continue this day according to thine ordinances: for all are thy servants.
119:92 Unless thy law had been my delights, I should then have perished in mine affliction.
119:93 I will never forget thy precepts: for with them thou hast quickened me.
119:94 I am thine, save me; for I have sought thy precepts.
119:95 The wicked have waited for me to destroy me: but I will consider thy testimonies.
119:96 I have seen an end of all perfection: but thy commandment is exceeding broad.

Standing on the promises of Christ my King,
Through eternal ages let His praises ring,
Glory in the highest, I will shout and sing,
Standing on the promises of God.

Refrain:
Standing, standing,
Standing on the promises of God my Savior;
Standing, standing,
I’m standing on the promises of God.

Standing on the promises that cannot fail,
When the howling storms of doubt and fear assail,
By the living Word of God I shall prevail,
Standing on the promises of God.

Standing on the promises I now can see
Perfect, present cleansing in the blood for me;
Standing in the liberty where Christ makes free,
Standing on the promises of God.

Standing on the promises of Christ the Lord,
Bound to Him eternally by love’s strong cord,
Overcoming daily with the Spirit’s sword,
Standing on the promises of God.

Standing on the promises I cannot fall,
List’ning every moment to the Spirit’s call,
Resting in my Savior as my all in all,
Standing on the promises of God.

never been so exhausted from dinner before. my hands feel soggy. a million multitasking to do. a sense of futility.

i was consumed. i have nightmares of presentation. i dream about work. when i wake up it is still there, unfinished. burnt out.

so easily sucked into the cycle of vanity. so quickly forsaking my peace and my freedom.

the more you care, the more upset you get. the oxymoron called love. but imperfect love. because charity beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things.. how far from the mark i am. it's amazing to learn about love.

when time management is not just about managing your own time anymore. it's frustrating, it chains you 24/7, it terrorizes you. how i envy those who are able to let go, and not be so responsible.

it's a spiritual warfare. caught in the midst thereof, it feels like you're in a whirlpool. one moment you are up, another moment tossed in confusion. the helmet of salvation, breastplate of righteousness, belt of truth, shoes of gospel of peace, shield of faith, sword of the Spirit. the Word of God, quick and powerful, a discerner of the thoughts and intents of our heart. let us experience thy quickening and thy power.

When you feel weakest, dangers surround,
Subtle temptations, troubles abound,
Nothing seems hopeful, nothing seems glad.
All is despairing ; oftentimes sad.

Refrain:
Keep on believing, Jesus is near.
Keep on believing, there’s nothing to fear ;
Keep on believing, this is the way :
Faith in the night as well as the day.

If all were easy, if all were bright.
Where would the cross be ? where would the fight ?
But in the hardness God gives to you
Chances of proving what He can do.

God is your wisdom, God is your might ;
God’s ever near you, guiding the right ;
He understands you, knows all you need ;
Trusting in Him you’ll surely succeed.

still one of my favourite songs.
precious are the little snippets of memory from melbourne.
the first day i woke up in a strange country, beginning to know God's presence ever with me. the night with a deafening silence, the spacious empty room in the suburbs.
the pouring rain in which i met shulin, who brought me to drummond st, and ss, the first person to greet me when i enter the hall.
at 422 collins street, with ian and glenn helping to fix my ikea table, when my neighbour came to my apartment to climb over to his apartment cos he forgot his keys.
those mornings just conversing with God. those nights listening to the distant music in the alleys.
that special bday. a takeaway dinner each at that white round table, a relief from my distraught design.
precious friends who care enough to put down all to come, with snacks and jokes, to cheer and to lift.
making soya bean milk with linjiejie!
bedbugs :(
the guitar sessions before i moved to the shoebox at 200 latrobe street.
my tiny cosy little room. the struggles at night for my essays, on bended knees, teary eyes.
the mushroom broccoli for dinners and love-packed snacks when i go to the airport.
shingles and the fruitful (literally) week of recovery.
arrow on swanston. the cleaning nightmare ewwwww
my little blue room, my wall of messages, from my friends and my God
the weary nights, singspiration at bible study, a common strength when we are weary, a common hope for tomorrow, a common joy in the truth of God's Word
the times of intimacy, when it was just me and God, in the wee hours, in blessed quietness, me and my God
the times of learning, the times of growing, when His Word became life to me
starting my day in uni, the sunlight streaming through those huge windows, the email devotion preparing me for the day ahead, each moment drawing strength and breath from Him.
each moment it was just Him and me.
why is it so different now?